Women say one thing, almost unanimously, on their online dating website profiles about what they want; “a man that makes me laugh.” So is this what they want? No, they don’t. Not really. They don’t actually want a comic. How many times have you heard stand-up comics say he has NO luck with women? Especially compared to the most unhealthy looking, feminine, lazy, money-stealing-from-purse, drug addicted, musician type! So why do they say they want a guy that makes them laugh. What they’re really saying is, they DON’T want a foul mood guy. And they want to be charmed.
Let me tell you how it’s gone for me with women at online dating websites and in the real world. Let’s start with real world experience. Basically they want a “romantic comedy” to be played out in real life. They want to be put into a romantic state of mind BY you. They’re saying you are the chef and they are the ingredients, so, whip something great up! A guy with a good sense of humor seems to walk a little peppier and is light on his feet at the same time. That kind of guy let’s things roll off his back, finds witty things to do with words, seems to have a smile ready to shine through (but NOT openly laughing). He’s like Santa, Dick Van Dyke, and Magnum PI all rolled into one. And that’s actually not a bad mood to cultivate on online dating websites when you build your profile! And when I look back on some of my most easy, successful time with women that good humored state of being has been the energy I was sending out. The brooding thing can work-but it’s really based in having a look rather than what’s coming out of your mouth.
Online dating for me has been a true, and I mean true, lesson in women and humor. When initiating contact for the first time with women online, humor has not worked if that’s all that’s in my message. I’ve found that some general repetition of the content of their online profile and maybe a small dose of neutral humor has been effective. I don’t recommend self effacing comedy for online dating websites, it’s not a good idea that does anything that isn’t building you up. I’ve also found that women are WAY sensitive about how they are perceived, so unless you’ve met them in person, you need to be extremely careful at humor directed at them. So don’t use humor about yourself that isn’t making you come off in a good way, don’t use humor directed at them, and nothing negative in tone. Find some topic that she does not keep close to her heart and create a mutual attack on it-you can actually get pretty vicious if she’s on board.
But what about the nice guy approach? Well, there are a lot of nice guys. You’ll just blend into the background like wallpaper. So that’s not a great direction either. You can be bold and go for some outlandish jokey guy thing, and you might have some limited success, but overall online dating is a place to give off more of a mood and tone of good humor.
